Empty Bags and Broken Heart....

I am home from my second frustrating, exasperating excursion to the mall in the last two weeks. It used to be so fun. When I couldn't decide which pair of shoes to get, I'd buy both! Even though the jeans that I purchased just a season ago still fit and are barely worn (to be honest), I'd get another pair because the magazine article indicated that style is what's NOW! (As if the ones that I got three months ago are so not now?!?!) I'd buy a purple handbag because purple was the new black? Smokey eye palette? Sure, if that would make my eyes look sexier. I'd drive home with a big smile and a passenger seat full of bags. However, as I headed to Steamers to get a $4 coffee (oh there is just nothing good about this story!) to take a break from the mall madness, I had a thought...Do I really need this stuff? Am I indulging at the expense of someone less fortunate? There wasn't a single thing in my shopping bags that I accumulated over the last hour that I needed. Unfortunately, I allowed that to be just a fleeting thought. I sipped my coffee and headed to the car with a few new "key pieces for fall."

I ended up at the mall again this evening. I managed to convince myself that I "needed" a new pair of jeans. As I drove home, I asked myself, "Am I indulging again at the expense of someone less fortunate?" I remembered images of the children living in abject poverty in Chichicastenango, Guatemala where my friends are serving as missionaries, and I wondered how far the dollars spent on my jeans could go in that culture. "Why do I think I 'need' these jeans?" "What is this about?"

Frustrated, discouraged, disappointed, empty and embarrassed.

So, the question in my heart is not about the jeans. The REAL question is which culture, which kingdom am I living for?
The one that leads me to believe that I could possibly need to squeeze one more pair of jeans in my closet; the one that teaches me that my identity is found primarily in how I present my physical body to the world? that beauty is skin deep?, OR
The one that reminds me that my identity is found in being His daughter and promises that true beauty comes from within, when I reflect Christ.

When I live for His kingdom and trust in His promises I can only imagine the freedom; not to mention the time, energy and resources that I can invest in serving others.

You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free ~John 8:32

Beth Ann